literature

It's Not About You, I Swear

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NOTHINandEVERYTHING's avatar
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Literature Text


i.
My insides are twisting and threatening to spill out my sides and if I didn't know any better you have a faint smile spread across your lie-stricken lips as if you get enjoyment out of my suffering. Truth is, you probably do and maybe that's why you're so good at the game you played.

ii.
My eyes are still glazed over and I'm not sure I remember when I first went blind but I know it's been quite a while. I could never bring myself to stop chasing after you even though it always ended up with me lying flat on the floor and you crossing the street without even looking back at me. The noise of birds chirping being emitted from the crosswalks enable me to drag myself from block to block but I'm secretly  praying one of these days a car will hit the brakes just a bit too late and send me into a coma. It couldn't possibly be worse than what I already feel and I've always wondered if I could find another life in a hospital bed.

iii.
All the signs were there telling me to never get involved but I decided to let my heart step up to the plate for once and now it's lying in pieces halfway down the first-base path. The migraines are only getting worse because all I can do is flip through all the possible scenarios of how it could have gone but I guess none of them ever made any more sense than these words that splinter from my bloodied fingertips.

iv.
I tried going for a jog the other day but my shins flared up and became swollen and I should have taken it as a clue that there's no point in me running after something that never even gave me a chance. I tried pushing through the pain thinking that maybe it would be worth it but now I can barely walk and fear I'll be immobile before I reach the age of 40.

v.
I told myself I would give up smoking and maybe even drinking if you would just push aside your fears for once and latch onto what's real and how you really feel but the only thing that ended up getting pushed aside was me. Now I'm left on my stoop leaning against the railing, clouding my lungs with the smoke from yet another cigarette, desperately pleading for someone to finally come along and give me reason to quit my addiction. It's safe to say the only thing I'll never become addicted to is falling for you.
full title: It's Not About You, I Swear I'm Lying.

sometimes i'm just a little too stubborn to listen to everyone around me. i could have easily avoided this situation but i let everything get in the way of my reasoning. live and learn i guess. i would love to say i'm fine but honestly i'm broken and it hurts so fucking bad. but i know i will be ok and life goes on and so will i. one day maybe i'll even get it right for once.

these words are my heart. well, what's left of it at least.
© 2011 - 2024 NOTHINandEVERYTHING
Comments14
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mrots's avatar
I believe in you

And correction * You WILL get it right one day ^.^